We Do Not Care Club: My Midlife List of Things That No Longer Matter

If you’re a middle-age Tiktok scroller like me, your For You page has probably served up at least one video in the last few months of the We Do Not Care Club. They are hilarious, spot-on musings from Melani Sanders, a West Palm Beach, Florida, perimenopausal woman who starts every video by welcoming new and returning members saying some version of, “I started the club for all the women going through perimenopause and menopause. We are putting the world on notice that we simply do not care that much anymore.”

What Is the We Do Not Care Club?

Melani goes on to list the latest things we women of a certain age don’t care about anymore. A few recent ones include whether the towels match, whether we have chin hair, and if our spouse had a long day (“So did we. Our day included brain fog, night sweats, insomnia, frozen shoulder and rage”). She also invites women to share in the comments what they no longer care about. 

Why Gen X Women Are So Over It

Melani has been getting a lot of media attention for her WDNC movement. What she says is very familiar to those of us sitting firmly in midlife – it grew out of realizing she can no longer be all things for all people at this season in life. “It’s giving us permission to just be like, ‘It is what it is,” she told the “Today” show.

@justbeingmelani We Do Not Care. That’s the message. All new and existing members, please be sure to put in the comments what We Do Not Care about today.#perimenopause #menopause #postmenopause #insomnia #itchyear #brainfog ♬ original sound – justbeingmelani

I think Melani hit a nerve with Gen X because our middle-age selves simply cannot take one more thing. For decades, our days have been a nonstop race from pre-dawn to post-midnight trying to just get it all done – and we are TIRED. We’ve been through colicky babies, hurricane toddlers, sports in the hot sun and freezing rain, creating dioramas at midnight that are due the next day, worrying about our teenage drivers and packing up our babies for college – all while taking care of our homes, caring for aging parents, building relationships and, oh yeah, making sure we’re successful in our careers. Is it any wonder we’re exhausted and fed up?

So let’s embrace this movement, my friends. Let’s just not give a damn anymore about things that don’t matter, so we have energy for things that do. In that spirit, I present my own list, and I hope you’ll add your own too. 

We Do Not Care Club: My Midlife List of Things That No Longer Matter

My House Can Be Comfortable, Not Perfect

• I do not care if I run the air-conditioning from April to October. Alternatively, I do not care if my space heater is blowing on my feet while said a/c is running. I am either a hot sweaty mess or a walking ice pop, sometimes at the same time. Touch that thermostat at your own peril.
• I do not care about wrinkles in my clothes. Our very old iron and ironing board didn’t make the move with us last year when we sold our house, and I only use my steamer about twice a year in desperate situations. Usually the dryer does the trick but if there’s a few wrinkles left in a shirt or pair of shorts, who cares? Not me! 

@justbeingmelani We Do Not Care. That’s the message. All New and Existing members please put in the comments what We Do Not Care about today in the comments. #perimenopause #menopause #wedonotcare #wdnc #wdncflorida ♬ original sound – justbeingmelani

My Face and Body Are Not Up for Debate

• I do not care about wrinkles on my face. I use a good moisturizer and an anti-wrinkle cream but I’m done with expensive injections and treatments. This is the face of my 50s – the world can deal with it. 
• Speaking of my face… I do not care if I have makeup on or not. Sometimes I wear it, other days I just don’t feel like it. It turns out my friends still like hanging out with me, regardless of whether I wear foundation and eye shadow to dinner at Chilis. 
• I do not care what anyone thinks about me using a GLP-1 to lose weight. Please keep your “studies” to yourself and don’t tell me how your aunt’s cousin’s best friend’s mom ended up with an extra ear after being on weight loss medication. Don’t care.
• I do not care about my jiggly arms (thanks to the GLP-1). You can’t lose 100+ pounds and not have the affectionately named “bingo wings.” So they flap a little when I applaud or stir spaghetti sauce? I don’t care! 

My GLP-1 Weight Loss Journey: Life After Losing 100 Pounds

My Schedule Is Mine, Not a Productivity Contest

• I do not care what time you get up or go to bed. Somewhere along the way, we started equating getting up and going to bed early with being successful. That’s a load of BS. Sleep when you want, get up when you need to. I, for one, love sleeping in on Sundays and I fully respect a good nap. 

I’ll Watch What I Want (Even If It’s Not Cool)

• I don’t care about Severance or The Bear or Love Island or a lot of other popular TV shows. They’re complicated and trendy and seem to be trying very hard to be cool. Not me. I fully embrace my love of British crime shows and Hallmark movies. Give me a new season of Shetland or a Tyler Hynes Christmas movie and I’m set for the weekend. 

I’m Not Here for Tech Panic or Wellness Shame

• I do not care about Artificial Intelligence (AI). I’ve survived just fine using Google to find a recipe or  look up whether a celebrity is still alive – I do not need to ask a pretend human. I have enough relationships with people to worry about – I don’t need to form attachments with ChatGPT too. Please do not tell me it’s the wave of the future. That may be true for your future, but not mine. 
• Finally – and maybe most importantly – I simply DO NOT CARE if you think Diet Coke is poison. You can drink as much water from your 5-gallon Stanley as you like but I am not giving up an ice cold McDonald’s Diet Coke. Ever. It makes me ridiculously happy, which not a lot of things do these days. So leave my Diet Coke alone and I won’t lecture you about essential oils and kombucha.

Now how about you? What are you just not caring about anymore? Let me know in the comments!