The Best Kinds of Midlife Friendships (and Why You Need Each One)
Friendship in midlife looks different than it did in our twenties, but it’s no less essential. In fact, the best midlife friendships are the ones that keep us grounded and supported through the chaos of careers, caregiving, and everything in between.
The launch of Midlife Bestie got me thinking about all the besties I have in my life and the important role they play. Growing up, you imagine your bestie in second grade is the only bestie you’ll ever have – and that may be true for some people – but the truth is by midlife you’ve probably got a full bouquet of besties out there, each with their own special role.
Why a Work Bestie is Key For Midlife Career Survival
In every job I’ve had as an adult, I’ve always had a work bestie (or two or three). This person, always a woman around my age, is KEY to surviving on the job – you can text each other eye-rolling emojis during meetings, have gossipy lunches to get away from the workday grind and, most importantly, you’re there to help each other navigate the shifting sands of worklife. You know someone is your work bestie by how sad you are when you find out they’re on PTO, leaving you to fend for yourself in the workplace wild.
Sometimes those relationships end when one or both of you move on to the next job, but the really good ones hang in there years later. I had dinner a few weeks ago with three friends I worked with 20 years ago and we had the best time catching up, laughing like we just saw each other yesterday. We went from work besties to actual real-life friends. I’m pretty darn grateful for every work bestie who’s made my life on the job just a tiny bit easier.
The Workout Bestie Keeps You Moving in Midlife
This is the person who texts “Are you going to Zumba tonight?” and you know you need to say yes even though every bone in your body is screaming to lie on the couch and watch Law & Order reruns. This person is, literally, good for your health and can make working out just a little bit more tolerable. They’re also the one who tells you going for margaritas after just working out is probably not the best idea.
One of my closest friends since high school just moved near me again after more than a decade in different cities. She’s fast becoming an excellent workout bestie – she reminds me about Zumba and yoga, and we have a lot of good laughs about how we aren’t quite as flexible as we were when we did step aerobics together in the 90s. In our minds, we look like we’re 21 – and that is a friend you do not want to give up.
Midlife Career Advice from Your Most Trusted Bestie
Not the same as a work bestie, this is the person I turn to for the big career questions – Am I in the right job? What do you think about this situation at work? Am I being paid fairly? I have a career bestie I’ve known since college and we get together at the same pizza place about every two months to check in. She’s the dose of reality I need to tell me if I’m just being whiny or if I should get my resume in order. And I love doing the same for her. It’s amazing how much clearer you see things when someone else is in the middle of it.
Midlife is a tricky time for career-building because ageism is alive and well at a time when we have the freedom to finally soar. I highly recommend getting a career bestie who can help you make sure you’re being valued for the incredible worth you bring to the job. Or, in the case of my career bestie, talk me out of quitting my day job to open a dog rescue (someday, but not today).
The Power of a Great Neighborhood Friendship in Midlife
The saying “good fences make good neighbors” is very true, but you still need someone to chat with through that fence. We recently sold our house of 25 years and one of the things I miss the most is my next-door neighbor bestie.
When the kids were little we would talk while we each chased babies and toddlers (I had four, she had five – not a lot of sentences got finished during those conversations). We would swap clothes for the kids and each other, and many, many times I would race to her house during a party because I couldn’t find a corkscrew or we needed more folding chairs.
As we got older, we joked that we became the “Gladys Kravitz” of the neighborhood, gossiping about who moved in, making note of who got new furniture, and raising our eyebrows at all those darn speeders down our suburban street. I haven’t found a new neighborhood bestie – and I’m not sure I will again. There is something so very special about that first house next-door neighbor you “grew up” with that can’t be replaced.
A Big Shout-Out to My Midlife Besties
These years are not for the faint of heart. We are dealing with so much every single day – kids, spouses, work, aging parents, our own aging bodies, and a host of things in the world that we simply can’t control. So shout-out to all the besties just helping us get through.
I’ve got a couple text threads that I couldn’t make it through the day without. There’s the “Golden Girls” chat with three of my midlife besties, who I can text when I’m puzzled about the hair on my chin or I don’t understand how I gained 5 pounds in two days or when I just need a shoulder or three to cry on. When the youngest of us turned 50 last year, she requested a Golden Girls-themed party with costumes and we did not disappoint. They are the definition of showing up in midlife friendship, no matter what.
There’s also the “Sister Chat” with my two sisters, who go beyond the title of bestie. They truly have known me since the moment I was born and are always there when little sis needs some big sis advice. I feel pretty lucky to have them as I’m navigating these midlife years. They also aren’t afraid to dish out a little tough love when I need it (again, talking me out of opening that dog rescue).
Finally there’s my longest-running bestie, who’s been there since I moved into a new school in sixth grade. The principal put me in her homeroom because she knew we lived near each other and thought we might become friends. Sister Muriel was very wise. My BFF knows the good, the bad and the ugly and loves me anyway.
Life has taken us on twists and turns – and those years with little kids are kind of a blur – but now that our kids are older we’re discovering fun things like the Hallmark Channel Christmas Cruise last year and this summer’s trip to Scotland and Ireland. A bonus is that our husbands have also become friends, proving the John Mulaney adage that “Your mom has friends and the friends have husbands.”
Find Your People and Love Them Hard
I have so many more besties that I could mention here, and I’m sure you have the same. You might even have besties you don’t realize are besties. Think about the people who make your life what it is, whether it’s at work, home, in the gym or walking in the neighborhood. Maybe give them a little extra love – or at least a fun emoji in the text thread – next time they help you get through the day with a smile on your face.
Midlife Friendships: We Know it Isn’t Easy to Find Them!
Jacqui is a mom of four grown kids who’s loving the empty-nester life with her husband and two fluffy canine besties, Daisy and Zya. Other things she loves: ice-cold fountain Diet Coke, British crime dramas, and sleeping until noon on Sundays. Things she doesn’t love: cheese that’s not on a pizza, any and all exercise, and the greasy feeling of putting your hand in a bag of chips. Drop her a note at Midlife.Jacqui@gmail.com.