Life After College Drop Off: 5 Steps for Parents to Survive the First Weeks

You cleaned the dorm room, made up the bed, cried your tears and left your baby behind for their freshman year of college. Now you’re adjusting to life after college drop off and wondering what the heck you’re supposed to do. Do you call to check in? Do you text a nonchalant “hey kiddo!” and hope for a reply? Do you send a selfie of you crying and ask for proof of life? 

Five Steps to Navigate Life After College Drop Off

First, take a deep breath, mama. You’re both going to be OK. But as a mom who’s dropped four kids off at school over the last 10 years, I know those first couple weeks are an emotional roller coaster. One minute your heart is bursting with pride and literally 10 minutes later you’re sobbing over a pair of jeans your kid left behind. Here are just a couple thoughts from a Been-There Mom to help you navigate these early days:  

1. Feel those feelings (Coping with life after college drop off)

It’s 1000 percent OK to burst into tears when you come across those left-behind jeans. It’s one of many random moments that will feel like your heart was sliced in two. Don’t try to fight the tears (unless you’re in public and people might worry about you). Have your moment, feel sorry for yourself and your broken heart, and then move on.

One moment I won’t ever forget was shortly after we dropped my oldest off at Ohio University – EIGHT HOURS from home – and his little brother set the table for six of us instead of five. It physically hurt me to put that extra place setting back.

A suggestion, though – resist the urge to tell your kid how deeply sad you are without them. It’s OK to say you miss them or can’t wait to see them, but don’t add your sadness to everything else they’re going through. 

2. Be strong (for both of you).

It’s pretty likely that sometime in the first six weeks, your college kid is going to call you in tears and tell you this was all a mistake and they want to come home. My baby (now a junior) called me crying over Labor Day weekend her freshman year because she was so homesick. It took every ounce of my strength not to hop in the car and go get her.

But RESIST that urge – you have to be the responsible grown-up when you get that call. Suggest activities they could do at school or just be a shoulder to lean on, but insist they see it through. In fact, I recommend not even visiting or having your kid come home until at least mid- to late September. You both need time to adjust and running home only delays the inevitable.

(Note: This of course does not apply if your kid is having serious mental or physical issues adjusting. That may very well require intervention.) 

3. Let them figure it out.

This is a REALLY hard one, as evidenced by some of the questions in any college parents’ Facebook group. The cold, hard truth is that your baby is an adult in the eyes of the law. That means you do not have a right to know their grades,  complain to their professor or see their upcoming assignments, even if you are the one paying the bills.

You also don’t have a right to their medical information (though I do recommend getting medical power of attorney in case of an emergency). Even for less serious things, fight the urge to fix it. There was a trend a few years ago where parents would post something along the lines of “My daughter is in Jones Hall, Room 255, and is very lonely right now and needs a friend. Please ask your student to go say hi to her.” I (and other experienced moms) would always jump in to remind them that however well-intentioned, posting your kid’s personal information is embarrassing, invasive and could be very dangerous. They will find their people in their own time.

Likewise, if they are struggling in a class or with an assignment, they have to go to the professor and get help. You can give advice if they ask but taking action has to be on them. As a parent who LOVED emailing my kids’ teachers, this was a tough one for me! 

4. Have a Little Fun (It’s OK!)

Sending a kid off to college is a huge accomplishment for your kid AND for you! It takes so much hard work and sacrifice to get to drop-off day and you did it! So take advantage of that empty (or emptier) nest. Grab your spouse for a weekend away, sign up for those piano lessons you always wanted to take, have Cocoa Puffs for dinner and then let the dishes pile up because you just don’t feel like doing them.

You have earned the right to take your foot off the gas for a while – and don’t feel the least bit bad about it. Same goes for their bedroom – if you need the space for your office or a paint studio, that’s OK. It’s not a museum! We compromised by turning one kid’s room into a home office, but including a sofa bed so they had a place to sleep when they came home. Recognize your life has changed, too, right alongside your kiddo. 

5. Plan that first visit.

The very, very best part about your kid going away to school is the absolutely perfect, delicious, amazing feeling of that first hug when you finally see each other again! I swear if I could bottle that feeling I would be a millionaire. It doesn’t matter if it’s your first kid or your fourth – that first hug is a feeling like nothing in the world. And it’s your right as the mom to push everyone else out of the way to be first in line. 

The honest truth is that saying good-bye and leaving your kid at school is one of the hardest moments you’ll have as a parent. In your eyes, they are still a little kid who can’t cross the street alone. How can they possibly be survive on their own every day?

But you did your job – and you did it well enough to get them to college – and now you get to experience this exciting new phase with them. And if you get really sad, remember that in today’s economy, there’s a VERY good chance they’ll move back in with you when they graduate in four years! 

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